


Holding Your Hand

by Nicolaruth27



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Engagement, F/F, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:51:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolaruth27/pseuds/Nicolaruth27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You've been by my side through good times and bad, through the nightmares, the shootings, the kidnapping and everything in between. You held my hand and that's what I'm doing, Maura. This is me, holding your hand, holding you up. I should have done it sooner and I realize now that maybe I haven't been a very good friend."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**TWELVE MONTHS AGO**

Early evening at The Dirty Robber was busy but not overly noisy when Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles entered and headed for their favourite booth. It was a weekly ritual for the doctor and the detective; a date night of sorts, though neither woman would verbally classify it as such. Burgers and fries were a given and Maura had long since taken to ordering an entire serving for herself, at Jane’s repeated insistence, rather than steal bites from her ravenous friend.

 

There was an ease to these evenings that neither woman wished to give up any time soon. They laughed and joked and flirted without reservation, safe in the knowledge that, with only the two of them present, they didn’t have to limit their familiarity.

 

Too many social occasions had involved Frost or Frankie commenting with a smirk and a wink at their obvious affinity for each other. It had tested Jane’s patience; she just wanted to spend one evening a week with her best friend without her colleagues, brothers, or mother cracking wise. The teasing hadn’t been mean-spirited, it never was, but one risqué comment too many and a subsequent broken toe - Jane had misjudged the distance to Frost’s shin and kicked the table leg instead - had led to Jane’s whiny request that she and Maura spend some regular time together. Alone.

 

Conversation inevitably turned to relationships. It always did, though neither was keen to hear about the other’s recent dates or talk about what went wrong with their ex-boyfriends. Maura, too embarrassed about her dating history to dwell on any of it, would scowl at any mention of Dennis or Garrett or Ian. Jane, less embarrassed but more angry, had banned Casey as a discussion topic in no uncertain terms since his abrupt departure. So they talked relationships, about futures and possibilities without specifics. They shared their fantasies and desires without confirming with whom they’d like to share those dreams. They were oblivious and they liked it that way.

 

It was a practiced dance of avoidance; both women perfectly aware of the other and their close quarters, both happily ignoring their eventual heading and glacial speed. Neither woman would consider rocking the boat. Neither would admit even a passing attraction, as if it mattered amidst the onslaught of smouldering gazes that said everything their voices would only scoff at should it crop up outside of the repetitive teasing.

 

Something was bound to give eventually; something that would force the issue, jump start them, shove them, crashing into one another without their consent.

 

There was a sense of delicious torture. It started each time they sat opposite one another and never really ceased. Confusing thoughts of the other lingering until bedtime and mornings filled with the anticipation of their next meeting. A delicate balance had been perfected over years of working together, while their professional and personal lives had merged without premeditation until there was no discernible separation left. It was simple and uncomplicated. Best friends forever.

 

oOo

 

Maura swirled the contents of her wine glass in contemplation before taking a long sip, the bold fruit of the house red sufficiently pleasing to cause a quiet hum to slip from the blonde’s throat before she spoke, gesturing with the wine glass held out towards her dark-haired companion, “I’ll concede your point that each person’s idea of romance varies greatly. That goes without saying.”

 

Jane gestured with an outstretched hand, open palm waving animatedly, back across the table towards her friend, the other propped up on an elbow holding her beer bottle, “So, all I’m saying is you might get positively weepy with notions of mushy, over-the-top, vomit-inducing declarations of love and marriage but it just doesn’t do it for me.”

 

Both women leaned back into their booth seats as the waitress arrived with their regular order and placed two plates down on the table in front of them. Maura set down her wine glass and began to unfold and set a paper napkin on her lap. They continued the conversation even as the waitress placed their cutlery down from the open end of the table and turned to leave, “You can’t say that, Jane. You don’t know for certain.” 

 

“Yes, I do,” Jane stated firmly as she applied a generous dollop of ketchup on her plate and held the bottle out to Maura who shook her head to decline. 

 

Maura quickly nibbled a fry she had picked up with her fingers before continuing with her deconstruction of Jane’s argument, “There are just too many variables to accurately predict the ideal scenario in which you would feel sufficiently emotional -” 

 

“I’d be happy, sure. I’d probably be ecstatic...” Jane paused to pick up her burger with both hands and take a big bite. She wiggled her butt in her seat and moaned softly at the delicious mouthful before speaking again. She ignored the pursed smile and raised eyebrow on Maura’s pretty face that indicated she’d prefer if Jane didn’t converse whilst simultaneously devouring her bacon cheeseburger, “…But would I be squealing and bawling like some tear-stained Emma Thompson character from a Merchant Ivory flick? No!" 

 

Maura had been slowly picking through her fries and now held one out to point at the brunette, “You can’t belittle the stirring romance of Jane Austen just because you feel uncomfortable with direct sentiment, Jane. Merchant Ivory productions may seem like unrealistic fantasy to you but all fantasy is based in reality.” Jane gulped down her mouthful of food and reached again for her beer, partially obstructing a teasing smile as she lifted the bottle in front of her face. Maura continued as she looked down and regarded the food on her plate. She was lost in her ramblings as she swept up more fries with one hand and continued to gesture in Jane’s direction with the other, “Anyway Merchant Ivory didn’t release Sense and Sensibility; you’re getting confused with Remains of the Day or Howard’s End, both of which were wonderful period pieces but neither had the dreamy Hugh Grant character you’re thinking of.” 

 

Jane was again hoisting her burger two-handed towards her mouth when she confirmed her confusion, “Huh?-“ 

 

She took another big bite before setting her burger down and wiping her fingers on a napkin. She was hoping Maura would stay on the topic of movies rather than veer back towards the terribly unromantic hole Jane suspected she was digging for herself.

 

“What I mean is,” Maura paused momentarily to nibble again, “it’s impossible to state categorically that should the situation arise-“ 

 

“No, it’s not,” Jane blurted, causing Maura to look momentarily startled. The brunette softened as she spoke again, “Look… if I was overly emotional all the time maybe I could agree with you. And yes, you’ve seen me cry before but we agreed never to talk about that.” She forced an overly stern look with a raised eyebrow and pointed an accusing, wiggling finger at Maura. The blonde chuckled lightly. “But it takes a lot to make me cry, you know. You’re the… princess.” 

 

Maura tilted her head, her brows raised and a tiny smile pulling at the corners of her mouth, “Princess?” 

 

Jane smiled widely, her head bowed downwards slightly as she rested both elbows and forearms on the table in front of her. She nodded once before lifting her attention from the table to meet the blonde’s beautiful hazel eyes, her grin widening further, “Yeah, a proper girly girl, y’know? A princess.” 

 

Maura was reaching over the table, aiming several outstretched fries at the puddle of ketchup on Jane’s plate as she held the other woman’s burning gaze, “Would that make you a frog?” She grinned back and gave a cheeky wink as the brunette lifted an amused eyebrow.

 

Jane didn't miss the tiny implication of something more than platonic friendship in Maura’s metaphor but didn’t dwell longer than half a second on it. They were used to teasing each other just as much as they were used to hearing it from the boys. Though Jane couldn't deny a moment of curiosity, a mischievous notion that suggested she should kiss Maura and test the theory. Maura would surely laugh herself silly and then proceed to lecture Jane about the origins of folklore and fairy tales.

 

“Funny. Hey!” Jane lightly smacked Maura’s hand away from her own plate as the blonde gasped before giggling sweetly. The smile she gave just before slipping the ketchup covered fries into her mouth made the room light up. “If anyone was going to get all girly and sob hysterically because someone shoved a diamond ring at them it’d be you, okay. _I_  don’t do romance and yet every soppy movie we watch seems to set  _you_  off.” 

 

“So you’re telling me…” 

 

“Ugh god, Maur-aaaah,” Jane whined, tempted to stomp her feet under the table like a toddler. She was annoyed at herself for having a hand in starting this conversation to begin with. “Just let it go.” 

 

Maura gave Jane a pointed look that caused the brunette to sit up slightly, her back rigid, her face a mix of apology and indignation. “Humour me, Jane.”

 

“Okay fine.” Jane sighed, hunched her shoulders once more and settled back in to finish the rest of her burger. Maura would no doubt find all kinds of reasons why Jane was just as much a girly girl. It pained Jane to think of herself that way; she fought so hard to keep her emotions under control but Maura had a way of getting under her skin, getting her to admit things she wouldn’t share with anyone else.

 

“So you're saying, even given the perfect set of circumstances, you wouldn’t be suitably moved?” Maura waved her arms around in a large sweeping motion, trying to convey the enormity of everything Jane was dismissing, “No words or actions would cause you to shed a single tear as the love of your life proposed marriage and a lifetime of happiness to you?!”

 

Jane nodded emphatically before shaking her head just as vigorously, “Correct… and don’t start with the ‘happy hormone’ lecture again, I can't control my serotonin levels, blah, blah, blah..."

 

"I've told you before, Jane, hormones don’t control your emotions; it’s the other way round…” 

 

Now Jane did stomp her feet, “Maura!”

 

Maura shrugged then smiled sweetly before lifting both hands in surrender. Her voice rose an octave as she sang, “O-kay.”

 

Maura was unconvinced but willing to let Jane off with her pride intact. She’d made her point. Though Jane would never admit it, the pleading look on her friend’s face told her as much. It was time to let it drop, before she pushed Jane over the line from amused irritation into plain annoyance. This conversation would be stored, like so many others in Maura’s impressive memory, for future reference. Maura was a romantic. As a child she'd loved Jane Austen, now as an adult she loved Jane. Her heart was filled with the hope that someday she’d show Jane just how wrong she was. Not because Maura always needed to be correct, but because she saw in Jane all the emotions that swirled inside herself.  A woman that passionate couldn’t possibly be as unfeeling as she made out. Maura suspected Jane’s professed apathy lay in the fact that she wanted to be swept off her feet but didn’t believe it was ever likely to happen.

 

The close friendship enabled each woman to cling to the other, providing the necessary support and assistance they would have otherwise gained from a significant other. They were prepared and satisfied to go round and round like this forever, drifting and circling endlessly. Best friends forever… until they weren’t. Until someone or something came along to forcibly poke holes in their life preservers and throw them overboard, to move their physicality from brief hand holding and arm rubbing to something more.

 

Maura couldn’t have guessed the incident would occur on her next birthday. Jane would have gambled and lost everything she owned that she wouldn’t ever be the one putting that kissing theory into actual practice.

 

Jane reached over the table and snatched a handful of fries from Maura’s plate before pointing back at Maura with the stolen foodstuffs and a smirk, “Shut up and eat your burger.”


	2. Chapter 2

**NINE MONTHS AGO**

 

Jane had both palms pressed up against her friend’s en suite door, her face so close that her nose brushed the wood as she pleaded, "Come on, Maura, please."

 

"Go away, Jane." Something in Maura’s sharp tone caused a stabbing pain in Jane’s heart. She had caused this and she needed to fix it.

 

"No, Maura. I'm not leaving just so you can think we are all the same, that we’re all gonna leave you alone. It's not gonna happen, so please come out of there."

 

"Jane..."

 

The Detective didn’t mean to raise her voice, but frustration and impatience was getting the better of her. Maura had been holed up for nearly twenty minutes already and showed no signs of re-joining her dinner guests any time soon. Jane had given up thinking she’d get to finish her uneaten food; it was surely cold and inedible by now anyway. She all but pounded a fist on the door as she shouted, “Come out of the damn bathroom, Maura!"

 

Maura’s yelled replies had become less ferocious the more she had tried to get Jane to leave, but the hurt she felt hadn’t lessened. Her anger was so acute it was muddling her conscious thoughts. She felt swept away, at the mercy of a stream of emotions, an accumulation of everything that had happened to her since birth. She could not focus her ire on one singular point, instead it encompassed decades of loneliness and neglect, all the lies and the hurt multiplied into one mountainous feeling that was now pushing down on top of her. "You have  _no_ … goddamn… you don't  _know_  how I feel!” She sighed loudly, exasperated and more upset than in recent memory. Trying and failing miserably to hold in the tears that had threatened earlier during dinner, Maura barely choked out the only words she could successfully articulate, “You couldn't  _possibly_  know how this feels.”

 

Jane remained quiet for a long moment. Maura’s words hit her square in the chest and she breathed a little harder, forehead pressed onto the cool door as she considered the enormity of the situation. She didn’t know how Maura felt, she didn’t  _want_  to know, but she had a good idea. She didn’t want Maura to feel it. No one should ever feel unloved and unwanted.

 

Jane suspected this breakdown was a long time coming for Maura. She had suffered similar rejection too many times to count, some of those occasions Jane had witnessed first-hand. This time was one time too many. Jane resolved to make sure it never happened again, though right at this moment she wasn’t certain on the finer details of how she would manage it.

 

It wasn't a major incident by any normal person's standards, but this was Maura, and Maura's family - an adopted father who couldn't or wouldn't reschedule a lecture in order to attend; an adopted mother who had chosen to deal with last-minute European business mid-journey and pushed back her arrival by another two days; a biological father in the clink; a biological mother who said she didn't want to attend lest she make everyone else feel awkward; and a half-sister who had plainly just forgotten the invitation altogether. By Maura's standards it was an unmitigated disaster. She had been abandoned all over again, and then Jane had to go and make a thoughtless joke about how the surrogate Rizzoli family would fill the whole in Maura's heart whether she liked it or not. 

 

Jane knew she had to fix it and fix it good. This wouldn’t be a quick and easy fix; the usual brief apology, hug and sarcastic comment to smooth over the rough patch. There would be no smiles and giggles; side by side on the couch before a quick hand squeeze, a buddy movie and a glass of wine to wash away any bad feeling. She was going to need to invest herself.

 

As Jane turned and moved away from the door, she considered leaving the room for the briefest moment to go and apologise to the people no doubt still gathered in the house wondering what was going on. But no, if she left, even for a second, chances were Maura would choose that moment to open the bathroom door and see she was alone… again. Jane couldn’t do it. So she backed up against the wall, just beside the locked door and slid onto her butt. She would wait it out. She would talk Maura off the ledge, she just needed a minute or two to sort her thoughts and figure out where to start. 

 

oOo

 

Jane had been sitting for nearly ten minutes, listening quietly to the sounds of sniffling coming through the thin wall, when her mother’s face appeared around Maura’s bedroom door.

 

“Jane?” Angela whispered.

 

Jane’s voice was equally as low, “Yeah?”

 

“Jane, I’m sorry. We were getting worried. You’ve both been gone so long.”

 

“I know, Ma -” she breathed. Jane had her elbows propped up on her bent knees where she sat back against the wall. “She won’t come out.”

 

Jane raised her head, her weary look drawing additional sympathy from Angela, “Oh, sweetie. Can I do anything?”

 

“No, thank you though. I…” Jane shook her head, cursing her own sense of humour and stupidity, “I messed up, Ma. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

 

Angela shuffled quietly towards her daughter, “Oh Janie, I know you didn’t mean it the way it sounded honey.”

 

Jane huffed as she shoved both hands with fingers interlinked behind her head, “I shouldn’t have said it at all, Ma. That’s the problem. I didn’t think.”

 

Angela gently gripped one of Jane’s prone elbows and squatted down next to the younger brunette, “She’s just a little sensitive on that subject, I guess.”

 

“Yes, she is… for good reason. They’re jerks. All of ‘em.” Jane turned her face towards her mother, the look on her face causing Angela to purse her lips and swallow thickly. “And I tried to make a joke about her family, god!” Jane’s arms flew forwards suddenly before her head fell back down and she caught her face with both hands, groaning against her palms. “Stupid!”

 

Still whispering quietly - lest Maura overhear and be angered further about her interfering, Angela tried to offer support and comfort to her daughter. She rubbed a hand over the top portion of Jane’s back, the only bit she could reach that wasn’t still pressed against the wall, “Don’t beat yourself up, Janie. Maura won’t hold it against you.”

 

Jane scoffed and mumbled under her breath, “She should.”

 

Angela gathered the wavy hair that had fallen across Jane’s face, fingertips stroking across forehead and temple as she tucked it behind a hot, red ear. Her voice was still quiet and full of care, “Give her some time to calm down. Why don’t you come back and finish your dinner. I put your food in the warmer for you.”

 

Jane glanced up, shaking her head softly, a forced smile in place, “No, Ma. Thank you, but I can’t leave her.” With her elbows resting once again on her bent knees, her fingertips started to fidget and worry at fingernails and shirt cuffs as she spoke solemnly, “I know she wants me to, she expects me to, but I’m not doing it this time.” She was self-conscious, and any other time she’d keep this much feeling from her mother, but she couldn’t stop. Something hurt inside her chest and she rested an open hand across it, “We’ve fallen out before and we stopped talking. It killed me, Ma. I can’t do it. I’m gonna stay here until she no longer needs me to.”

 

Angela regarded her daughter for a long, silent moment before nodding, “Okay, honey, if you’re sure.”

 

Jane cleared her throat when the charged silence and her mother’s piercing stare became too much for her. Her eyes found the floor between her feet again as a hand made a shooing motion, “Just tell everyone I’m sorry for spoiling things, okay. This wasn’t Maura’s fault and I might be in here a while so you guys can leave if you want.”

 

Angela stood up, briefly resting a hand atop a head of dark curls, “So long as you know what you’re doing. I hate to see you girls fight. Are you going to talk to her?”

 

“Yeah -“

 

“I mean really talk to her -” Angela drawled before being cut off.

 

“What? Ma, I said I’m gonna fix this and I will.” Jane looked up, eyes burning with impatience and frustration and Angela knew she was taking the brunt of a blow that wasn’t really meant for her.

 

Angela’s whispers instantly softened Jane; the brunette was contrite and grateful as her mother seemingly understood everything she said and everything she didn’t, “Just talk to her. Just… _talk_ … okay?” The older woman stooped to cup her daughter’s cheeks, looking directly into her eyes with an unexpected intensity, “I love you, Jane.”

 

Jane swallowed, gulping down the lump in her throat along with her pride. She would listen to her mother for once as she whispered in response, “Okay, Ma. I love you, too.”

 

oOo

 

"Maura? Maura, open the door. Please let me in. Come on, I want to talk to you."

 

"Just go, Jane. Please go. I said I wanted to be alone."

 

"Just let me talk to you then."

 

"NO. No, Jane. Please. Leave me alone. I’m used to being alone. I’ll be okay, but I don’t need this… I can’t… everything’s just easier… on my own."

 

"All I want -"

 

"Please, Jane…” Maura's voice was weak as she sobbed, her legs unable to hold up her body as her chest heaved and her limbs began to shake. Maura eased her body downwards beside the locked bathroom door, her back to the wall, legs bent at the knees, trying to shrink away from the harsh reality of finding herself voluntarily imprisoned with no escape route.

 

"I'm not gonna beg you to come out anymore. Stay in there as long as you need. But I'm gonna talk and I need you to listen. Just listen, okay. Please?" Jane didn't receive a reply, just more sniffling noises and the muted thud of a body on the other side of the wall where her back was pressed against the drywall. She turned her body to the side a little, so that her voice was speaking more towards the door rather than into the vastness of Maura's bedroom, "I'm not sorry for what I said but I am sorry for the way it came out. It came out all wrong. I didn't mean to belittle you or your family in any way, though I am still adamant that they're all heartless jerks to do this to you." Cringing momentarily, Jane cursed her lack of filter, now wasn't the time for name calling or placing blame. Why couldn't she have a bit more tact like her gracious best friend? She waited a moment to see if Maura responded, any outburst or objection would threaten to stop Jane in her tracks, so worried was she of upsetting Maura further. "You don't deserve this. You don't deserve a scattered family that doesn't put you first. You deserve a family like mine. You _have_ a family like mine. They're yours, they love you, we all love you so much, Maura. I know I made a stupid comment but that's all I meant, really, I just didn't say it right. We will always be here for you. If you never have another guest for a birthday dinner ever again, you'll always have a room full of Rizzolis wanting to make you feel special and loved, and we will be here the other 364 days a year, too. "

 

Jane paused to breathe a few deep breaths. She hoped all this talking was working the way she intended. The cries and sniffles were no longer audible from the adjoining room. _What was Maura doing? Was she even listening?_ Jane didn't care, she was going to sit here and keep going regardless.

 

"I hate to break it you but you're a part of this family now, like it or not." Jane couldn't help a little throaty chuckle and she pictured Maura smiling at her words. "We're like lichen, y'know, with the symbiotic component thingies? You taught me that, Maura. One can't survive without the other, quite literally in our case sometimes." Another little chuckle, she felt like she was on a roll. Jane had problems speaking at length to people usually, Maura not so much, but it helped her comfort levels that no one else was actually in the room. "Frankie owes you his life. You put a roof over my jilted mother's head. You nursed me back to health, more than once, and you've forgiven me for being an ass more times than any friend should. You've been by my side through good times and bad, through the nightmares, the shootings, the kidnapping and everything in between. You held my hand and that's what I'm doing, Maura. This is me, holding your hand, holding you up. I should have done it sooner and I realise now that maybe I haven't been a very good friend."

 

Jane let out a sigh. It was long and deep, originating somewhere in her lower belly. Wiping a hand across her face before placing it on the floor by the door frame, Jane braced her weight and shifted a bent knee so that her leg was now lying flat along the floor as she twisted to face the door a little more. Maura gave no response for long, silent seconds that felt like minutes, until Jane whispered with a crack in her husky voice, "I'm so sorry, sweetie."

 

 

The bathroom door knob turned and the door creaked open a few inches. Jane was frozen in place as she waited for Maura to cry, or yell or bolt from the room but when she peered around the doorframe and upwards to where she assumed Maura would be stood there was no pretty face looking back down at her. Instead Maura's hand reached through the gap, settling upon Jane's where it still lay on the floor. Fingers entwined automatically as the two women stayed silent, holding onto each other. Their positions were almost perfectly mirrored, back to back with only the wall separating them, as they remained on the floor. Neither woman made any move to get up, both relishing the opportunity to just hold hands. Jane squeezed Maura's fingers, letting her know she was there and would be patient, providing support for as long as Maura needed it. Maura squeezed in return, a _'thank you for still being here_ ' and _'no need to apologise'_.

 

Finally Jane broke the silence and an unexpected rush of emotion broke Jane’s voice, “This is me… holding your hand, Maura. I’ll always be here to hold your hand.”


	3. Chapter 3

Maura’s right hand lay still, palm down, in Jane’s left hand. The strong grip they’d had on one another had lessened into a gentle hold. Occasionally Jane would flex her thumb, stroking the back of Maura’s hand, letting her know she was still there.

 

When Maura had sufficiently calmed her heart rate and the tears had ceased, she drew in a long inhale and spoke for the first time. It was quiet, almost breathless, as she exhaled the words without thinking, “I like holding your hand.”

 

Jane let her head fall forward, unable to stop the grin that spread across her face. She was tired and her buttocks were numb but she was pleased with herself. She was grateful that Maura wasn’t angry, or at least she didn’t _sound_ angry any more, it was difficult to tell without seeing the Doctor’s face. Jane felt confident enough in Maura’s ability to forgive her that she hoped they had turned a corner tonight. She rubbed a weary hand once more across her face, praying to any saint that would listen to give her endless patience and stop her from saying anything stupid. She couldn’t afford a setback tonight; even a small one might render permanent the pins and needles she was now feeling down both legs. Maura’s special acupuncture treatment would doubtless be offered if she mentioned it, with that irrefutable smile of hers, but friend or no friend Jane wasn’t letting anyone with needles anywhere near her butt.

 

Jane adjusted the angle of her hand and interlaced her fingers with Maura’s in such a way that she was able to play with the ring of Maura’s middle finger. Spinning it around slowly, Jane focused her eyes on the only part of her friend she could see and decided to speak. Long legs crossed now in front of her, Jane fleetingly felt like she was in confession, though without the feelings of guilt or that she’d been forced to do it; she was doing it willingly because she cared.

 

She cared.

 

“I don’t like holding hands usually.”

 

Maura twisted her body towards the door opening so she could see Jane’s lithe, tanned fingers gently twisting the silver band she wore. Her brow furrowed as she wondered where Jane’s sometimes random train of thought might lead them.

 

Maura smiled sweetly, eyes still shining a little with old tears as Jane continued, “Just you. I’m not sure why.”

 

“I don’t know why either…” Maura replied in a whisper, unsure really of what to say to Jane’s confession, “but I’m grateful for it. I’m always grateful for it.”

 

Maura shifted to where she was now sat leaning on one hip, her legs bent beside her away from the door, one shoulder sliding against the wall towards the opening. Her left hand, which had been clutching the wad of toilet paper that had dried her cheeks and saved her mascara from disaster, now moved to join her right, clasping the Detective’s hand in between both of hers. Jane took a sharp intake of breath and exhaled in a long sigh.

 

“You’ve held my hand before, many times,” Maura smiled. “You’ve held me up… and you’re still doing it now. You have nothing to apologise for. I couldn’t ask for anything more in a friend…”

 

“But, Maura…“Jane cut in, embarrassed by Maura’s words and still feeling ashamed of her cutting remarks over dinner.

 

“ _But_ nothing, Jane. I know you want to sweep it under the carpet, make a joke about it; you’re probably rolling your eyes at me as I speak.”

 

Jane chuckled, “You know me so well.”

 

“I do…” Maura sighed as she took back a hand, retrieved the toilet paper she had stuffed into her pocket and took one last swipe under her eyes to rid herself of the last bit of wetness. Maura swallowed, meltdown well and truly over, her voice growing stronger, “I know sometimes you speak before you engage your brain, I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me deliberately, and I know you feel the same pain I do that my family is so…” She breathed, eyes searched the ceiling briefly as brain searched for the most appropriate adjective, “…dysfunctional. You’re a very good friend, Jane, so please don’t think any less of yourself for tonight. I’m sorry I raised my voice to you. It really wasn’t your fault.”

 

Jane was breathing heavily. There seemed no point in trying to object to Maura’s apology, she’d only get cut off again. If there was one thing both women had in common it was their ability to be annoyingly stubborn. Instead she squeezed Maura’s hand tightly and decided it was time they faced each other.

 

Tugging gently on Maura’s arm, one hand clasping the blonde’s, the other encircling her forearm, Jane peered around the doorframe. With a shy smile and pleading eyes she braved repeating the words she’d bellowed in frustration earlier in the evening. “Come out here? Please?”

 

Maura took barely a second to make a decision; Jane could read it on her face. Maura had clearly felt a bit silly for being sat on her bathroom floor and chastised herself for what she’d later classify a ‘teenage tantrum’. With a shuffle of legs Maura found herself in Jane’s spot, on the floor of her bedroom, back against the wall, with Jane tightly pressed up against her side.

 

They were still holding hands as Jane spoke, “I know you said it wasn’t my fault but I still feel terrible, so you have to believe me and let me say I’m sorry… for everything.” Now it was Jane’s turn to clasp Maura’s hand in both of hers, and she shook it gently, emphasising each important point, “I’m sorry your family didn’t get to spend your birthday with you, I’m sorry they missed out on such a wonderful evening with a wonderfully sweet person.” Jane dipped her head, seeking eye contact but Maura was fascinated by the floor. “I’m _not_ sorry I got to be here instead, to share you with _my_ family, to have them celebrate with you and see your smile light up when you opened your gifts… as ridiculous as some of them might have been!”

 

Maura giggled and threw her head back a little, gracing Jane with the eye contact she had been yearning.

 

“Thank god your mother isn’t like mine or I don’t think we’d be as close as we are, maybe we wouldn’t ever have met…” Jane frowned deeply even as the words left her lips, images of her life with a faceless stranger for a best friend, or no best friend at all came unbidden and with them a crushing feeling she wasn’t prepared for - “I’d be so sad, Maura.”

 

The way Jane’s voice broke as she spoke made Maura’s dry eyes instantly moisten. She threw her arms around the Detective’s shoulders and hung on for dear life. Jane snaked her long arms around the Doctor’s waist and rested her chin on a firm shoulder. Jane lifted her eyes briefly towards the ceiling before closing them tight, silently throwing out thanks to whichever god or saint or mystical superhero had answered her earlier prayers.

 

“I’d be sad without you too, Jane.” Maura breathed into Jane’s hair. “Your family never fails to support me and make me feel safe and loved. I don’t think I could bear if you all weren’t around anymore.”

 

“Hey, hey…” Jane rubbed both hands up and down Maura’s back, “I don’t know where _that_ came from but we’re not going anywhere, so don’t you even have to worry about it!” She turned and kissed the side of Maura’s head as a gesture of protection and security. She didn’t mean to linger slightly, to savour the smell of Maura’s hair, or rub her nose across a delicate ear.

 

“Thank you.“ Maura mumbled, her face safely buried in Jane’s neck, “and thank you for staying, you didn’t have to.” Maura lifted her head to say something else but Jane’s proximity stopped her. This was the longest Jane had ever sat still talking about feelings without rolling her eyes, blowing a raspberry with her tongue, or making a sarcastic remark. Maura decided she should draw a firm line under tonight’s incident and let Jane get some air before the brunette spontaneously combusted. No doubt once Jane’s teasing started she’d be mortified about her behaviour and how she’d used the Detective as her emotional counsellor for the evening. It was time to pull herself together and muster a stiff upper lip. Jane’s hands had stilled on her lower back as Maura’s own hands slid down from Jane’s shoulders to her biceps.

 

“I told you I would,” Jane studied Maura’s face as the blonde’s expression clouded over but Jane caught what she was looking for - “Hey… don’t do that.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“That thing where you think I’m uncomfortable and about to turn into an asshole, so you stop… this,” she waved a hand between them in the small space that separated their torsos. She had unintentionally tapped Maura in the chest with the back of her knuckles and it made the blonde blink twice. “…you just… I’m not gonna be an ass about this, I swear. I’m here because I wanna be. I held your hand because I wanted to. I meant what I said. You don’t have to duck and cover ‘cos you think there’s a stupid punch line coming. I feel awful that I’ve… conditioned you to expect that from me.”

 

Maura’s head drooped forwards and she released Jane’s arms from her grasp. Shaking her blonde waves to cover her face Maura muttered an apology and attempted to stand.

 

“Hey -” Jane pulled Maura back before she could get away. The bear hug she gave was tight and strong, Maura couldn’t have escaped even if she wanted to. It made the Doctor a little giddy and she stifled a girlish squeal at Jane’s insistent and intense tactility. Maura’s body was tense for a long moment but Jane felt her relax, followed by arms encircling her waist. She felt Maura squeeze back as one of her hands found its way to the back of Maura’s head and stroked her hair.

 

“I don’t like hugs either,” Jane deadpanned and Maura burst out laughing.

 

oOo

 

It was some minutes later when Maura opened her eyes. She was curled up against Jane’s chest, revelling in the safety of her best friend’s arms. She snickered lightly at herself, the ridiculousness of her denial, how silly it was that she had wanted to bolt from the room when she could have _this_.

 

“What?” Jane enquired.

 

Maura lifted her head and shook it gently, “Oh nothing, I was just enjoying the cuddling. No one’s ever treated me this way before. Not even Ian.”

 

“I don’t believe you…”

 

“It’s true. And even if it doesn’t ever happen again at least now I know what it feels like.”

 

“Well, in that case I’ll make you a promise… one I don’t need you to go sharing around, by the way -” Jane said and watched as Maura giggled and ran a fingertip over her raised eyebrow, causing a grin to explode on the brunette’s face before she became quiet and serious again. “I’ll always be here, Maura - I mean that, if you just need a hand to hold or if you need a hug. To protect and serve; that’s my oath to you.”

 

Maura gasped softly and held a hand over her heart, “Jane, that’s -” There was that damned throat lump again. Maura spoke in hushed tones, a secret between the two of them alone - “No one else knows how sweet you are, do they?”

 

Jane shifted to her knees, then standing tall as Maura sat back on her feet and looked up. Jane reached down with her hands, grasping Maura’s tightly and pulled the blonde to stand in front of her, “No, they don’t, and if you tell anyone, or mention cuddling again I’ll deny everything!”

 

Maura laughed loudly before attempting her own version of the patented Rizzoli eye roll, “Oh there she is.”

 

Jane’s eyebrows drew together, “She who?”

 

Maura’s mouth curled up at either side, “The Jane I know, whom always breaks the tension or ruins a sweet moment with a joke.”

 

The second Maura said it Jane cringed, “Sorry.” Not five minutes ago she’d all but promised never to do that again. It was little wonder Maura could rarely take her seriously.

 

“Its fine,” Maura purred, still holding both of Jane’s hands. “You’re just you,” she shrugged - “You make jokes.” Maura cupped one of Jane’s cheeks and held Jane’s gaze for a beat, “Don’t change.”

 

The two women were instinctively drawn together once more. Each planted their chin on the other’s shoulder as their arms embraced and pulled their torsos together. It was comfortable beyond anything either had experienced before.

 

Drawing back, Jane aimed a soft peck at Maura’s cheek… and missed.

 

Both women froze. Jane was always quite affectionate, even if she wasn’t very demonstrative. For as many times as Jane had kissed her head during times of upset or happiness, Jane had never before kissed anywhere near Maura’s lips.

 

Maura wasn’t breathing, afraid to move, anticipating walls crashing down, Jane cracking a joke, sirens blaring, or, more likely, for someone to wake her from slumber where she sat holed up in her bathroom. Nothing - nothing but several beats of heavy silence.

 

That her lips were never meant to find Maura’s hadn’t occurred to Jane. The instant it happened her mind had gone blank. Her body was motionless but her eyes searched for something. Then without any conscious permission her lips pressed against Maura’s again. There was no mistake this time.

 

Their arms had barely retreated, bodies still pressed together having had no time to withdraw, and so faces remained in close proximity where one could feel the breath of the other on their face.

 

As lips parted Maura’s brow was creased, hazel eyes now searching just as deep chocolate had done, sweeping over familiar facial features, content only once settled upon pinkish lips.

 

“What - ?” Maura breathed, unable to find any words through her confusion.

 

Unmoving, Jane shook her head gently as her husky voice failed her and she cleared her throat, “I don’t - I don’t know.”

 

A strange mixture of curiosity and desire was coursing through Jane as she stroked soft fingertips down Maura’s cheek. Taking a plump bottom lip between hers, Jane kept her eyes open to capture Maura’s reaction. The instant Maura closed her eyes and seemed to melt into the kiss Jane closed hers and focused solely on the sensations of their lips pressed together.

 

Maura ran a flattened palm down Jane’s chest, “Jane, I…”

 

“What are we, Maura?”

 

Slightly taken aback, Maura tilted her head to the side and willed away the nerves that suddenly shook at her core.

 

As if this turn of events were the most natural thing in the world, “We’re best friends.”

 

Jane lowered her forehead to where it met Maura’s, barely touching and seeking no support other than tender proximity, “So why doesn’t this feel weird?” she whispered.

 

Maura let out the breath she’d been holding and whispered Jane’s words back to her, “I don’t know.”

 

“But we shouldn’t – I -” Jane pecked at Maura’s lips again as the blonde took her turn to caress a cheek with her fingers.

 

“I know.”

 

Jane stared lovingly into hazel eyes as both her hands moved slowly up Maura’s back, “So tell me to stop.”

 

Maura dipped her head and parted her lips. Taking in the Detective’s bottom lip first, she flicked her tongue teasingly before swiftly moving to suck on the brunette’s top lip.

 

“No.”

 

Jane pressed forward, pushing Maura slowly backwards, “We’ll need to talk about this.”

 

Maura’s back hit the bedroom wall with a soft thud as the hands that were previously on her back now found hair to grab and a neck to caress.

 

Jane was breathing heavily as she pressed the entire length of her firm body against Maura’s curves.

 

With both hands fisted into the front of the brunette’s shirt, Maura whispered into an open mouth, “Later.”


	4. Chapter 4

**PRESENT DAY**

 

Maura had waited patiently all day. Now that her guests were getting ready to leave she felt nervous and giddy with anticipation.

 

She graciously saw Korsak and Frost to the front door, bidding them farewell with a genuine 'thank you for coming' and 'please come again'. They were always welcome at the Rizzoli family’s Sunday dinners and made efforts to attend at least once a month at Maura’s home. Both men wished Maura good luck in the quietest whisper they could manage. With a finger tap to the end of his nose, Frost made Maura promise to update them later on the 'findings of her case' before she could finally close the front door on his grinning face and two thumbs up.

 

One big, deep breath later Maura turned back to the living room to find Tommy and Lydia by the couch trying to slip a very sleepy and uncooperative TJ into his tiny coat. The baby had grown into an adorable little scamp and the cosy familial scene made Maura swoon.

 

Maura took a few steps toward the kitchen and stopped again to look lovingly at the scene. Jane had cleared all the dishes from the dining table and was busy filling the dishwasher. Angela was fussing around Frankie at the other end of the large kitchen island as he filled a Tupperware with leftovers. It was the perfect time. Knowing no one else would leave without saying goodbye Maura quietly snuck away.

 

Once inside the guest bedroom she moved quickly to the dresser by the window. It had been three months since Jane had moved permanently into Maura’s home. Five months since Maura had successfully convinced Jane to move the belongings she kept there from the guest room into the master suite. The antique dresser now held the items removed from Maura’s expansive closet that she could do without, to make room for Jane. She would have emptied her entire closet for Jane.

 

Maura opened the top drawer and pushed aside a set of summer bed linens, revealing four black jewellery boxes of various sizes complete with organza bows. She took a deep, cleansing breath, trying to slow her rapidly pounding heartbeat. Composing herself for a moment, Maura closed her eyes, hands resting on the lip of the open drawer and let a gentle smile creep across her face. She was fairly certain her plan would have the desired effect.

 

She had tried to calculate and control every facet of tonight’s gathering, before quickly resigning herself to just going with the flow. Nothing good ever came of forcing the issue, not where Rizzolis were concerned. So with control limited to deciding the dinner menu, allowing for the improvised alterations that Angela would inevitably throw in throughout the preparation, she had set the family gathering up and just let them get on with it.

 

Tonight had been nothing out of the ordinary. It was a pretty standard Rizzoli family dinner. It was as comfortable and enjoyable as always. The customary teasing was light and good-hearted. The conversation was easy. Maura had taken an extra moment here and there to observe the people around her dining table as they laughed and ate and jostled with each other. She didn’t stay quiet for long, feeling more involved than ever before, willing and able to join in with gusto. She had tried to rein in her desire to stare longingly at her girlfriend. Jane was positively glowing; nothing made her happier than being surrounded by family, though she would heartily deny it at every turn. Jane had caught Maura gazing at her more than once, her smile growing wide under Maura’s scrutiny, making her lover's heart beat faster and her palms go clammy, much like they were now.

 

Scooping up the black boxes, Maura closed up the dresser drawer and headed determinedly back to the living room. 

 

oOo

 

Maura quickly shoved the coffee table back towards the fireplace, sliding it across the expensive lounge rug. She stood in the empty space in front of the couch, black boxes neatly arranged on the coffee table behind her knees, and quietly cleared her throat. Looking down at her feet, a splayed hand stroking softly at her forehead, she gave herself a silent pep talk - _Do it now, do it, be brave, just get the words out and don't forget to breathe!_

 

"Could... could all of you join me for a moment? Just for a few minutes. Please?"

 

It took only a heartbeat after looking up from the dishes for Jane to see Maura's nervousness. She cocked her head and her eyebrows drew together, asking questions Maura could see but not hear. _You okay? What's the matter?_

 

Maura's eyes softened almost imperceptibly and she gave a barely-there nod, her answers were clear and instantly calmed the fluttering in Jane's chest.  _I will be. It's nothing bad. Please don't worry._

 

"Would you come in from the kitchen for a moment?" Maura smiled at Jane, Angela, and Frankie in turn before twisting her body towards the front door and sweeping a hand from Tommy, Lydia and TJ back towards the couch. "Please... just sit... for a minute, I have something..." She trailed off at the sight of Jane making her way around the couch to sit down to Maura's left side, her amusement at Maura's slight anxiety clear from the smirk she wore and the hitch in her left eyebrow. "...something to, um, say... before you all leave."

 

Frankie jumped over the back of the couch landing heavily next to Jane who clipped him round the back of the head for disrespecting Maura's beautiful furniture. Angela sat primly at the other end of the couch clutching her rolled up kitchen apron on her lap. Her curiosity was too much as everyone settled so she leaned behind Frankie's back and prodded Jane in the arm whilst whispering, "What's this about?"

 

After a quick rub to the sore spot on her left arm Jane just shrugged, "Beats me, Ma."

 

Lydia balanced on the arm of the couch, TJ bundled up in her arms, with Tommy standing right beside her. Everyone was facing Maura with curious and expectant looks on their faces. She supposed she shouldn't be nervous or worried; they were friendly faces after all. She cleared her throat again softly; it wasn't to draw attention, only to dislodge the frogs that were threatening to crawl up her throat any second now. Maura had a lot she wanted to say. She just wanted to get it all out before her emotions strangled her words, imprisoning them within the lump in her throat and drowning them in tears. She needed to get through it, every bit she had written, rewritten and rehearsed, right down to the last. That last part was the most important. She had saved the best until last. Jane.

_Here goes._

 

oOo

 

Maura didn't want to stand while she spoke, too polite to loom over her friends and lover like she was onstage presenting a seminar. Never had she been the type to look down upon anyone so she squatted towards the lounge floor and ended up sat on her feet, knees bent and lower legs underneath her; the perfect Virasana.

 

Maura shuffled forward a little closer to her house guests and made herself comfortable, flashing a genuine smile at each of them in the process. They were at almost equal eye level now and she felt a little more calm; grounded and confident.

 

"What I need to say, I need you to let me, all of you. I need you to be patient, please, and..." One glance at the horrific look of impending doom that covered Angela's face forced Maura to detour into reassurance before getting herself back on track, "...oh goodness, it's nothing bad, truly. Don't worry. It’s just important to me, that's all," she said, sweeping her eyes from left to right and back again to take in every pair of eyes that was currently peering at her, "...and you're all here because you are important to me.”

 

oOo

 

“I never had much of a family. Not a big family anyway. It was just me and my parents and I guess it’s no secret that most of the time I managed by myself. I was fine with that, really. I survived. I learned how to live on my own terms and I grew… and for a long time I was fine. Then overnight I discovered my family was larger than I knew. I lost a brother. I was reacquainted with my mother again and now I have Hope, too. I have Cailin, my sister… and that’s… it’s scary and wonderful. It’s overwhelming in that it’s so very different to what I knew. Somehow we found each other and I’m surprised every day by new feelings and experiences and the revelation that, if I’m honest, I never really was very fine… alone.

What I do know… what is clear to me… now more than ever, is that if it hadn’t happened or if it all disappeared tomorrow I’d be okay, really okay,because you found me first. You found me. I’d be safe and loved and never alone, even without Hope, or Cailin, or Constance, because I have a family.”

 

Angela tried to speak as Maura twisted her upper body around to retrieve the boxes that had, up until now, remained mostly unseen, hidden behind her on the coffee table.

 

“Maura, sweetie, you know we-“

 

Jane’s head snapped around and she husked a sharp whisper, “Ma!” Making a cut-throat gesture across her own neck once she had Angela’s attention, it was clear she thought Maura wasn’t finished and her mother should leave anything she had to say until later.

 

Placing the four black boxes on the rug in front of her knees, Maura smothered a grateful smile. She would never be so rude to the elder Rizzoli but she was secretly pleased her lover had intervened in this moment.

 

“As much as I think… I _know_ I am a part of this family, and I realise this is a little unconventional, but I want to ask each of you officially.”

 

Jane cleared her throat and spoke quietly through the side of her mouth, trying to smile and not offend her girlfriend with the interruption, “Er, Maura… I’m not sure that’s how it works, sweetie.”

 

“It doesn’t take a genius, at least not anyone who has met any of you for more than five minutes,” she smirked, “to realise that committing to you, Jane, means committing to your entire family. And that’s what I want.” Maura’s smile was wide and genuine, making something flutter in Jane’s belly and she returned the smile with a dewy sparkle in her eyes.

 

The doctor paused for breath and continued with the words she had rehearsed, “Frankie, Tommy… I didn’t know my brother. When I met him it was already too late, and as sad as that makes me, I know I have you. If someone was to ask me what I wished my brother was like, I’d have to say I’d have wanted him to be kind and selfless and sweet, just like you, Frankie, and for him to be tenacious and loyal and generous, just like Tommy.”

 

Angela couldn’t control her emotions any longer. She was openly crying, audibly sniffling, with tears running down her cheeks. Lydia reached to the table beside the couch and retrieved a Kleenex, passing it to the older woman who whispered ‘thank you’ and tried unsuccessfully to blow her runny nose without anyone noticing.

 

Maura stood and lifted one black box, and then a second, opening the lids and revealing a very expensive-looking set of watches. Holding them out in her palms, she continued, “I would be honoured to call you my brothers; to have you call me your sister; to be an aunt to your children and to always be there for each other as family.”

 

She handed a box to each of the young men, who in turn gasped and cooed over the shiny gifts. A single gents watch for Frankie and a ‘his and hers’ set for Tommy.

 

Jane’s mouth was agape as she surveyed the scene. This woman was altogether too generous. “Maura, you shouldn’t hav-“

 

“Oh my god, Maura, this is a Rolex!” blurted Frankie.

 

“Wow, it’s… it’s too much, Maura, really,” Tommy exclaimed.

 

Each man hugged her tightly, repeating ‘thank you’s’ over and over while she grinned from ear to ear. Tommy released her, having almost lifted the small woman off her feet, before shooting a shy smile towards Lydia who still had a look of surprise on her face and the hand that wasn’t holding TJ against her hip clamped over her mouth.

 

The group quietened down after a few moments and Maura returned to her spot on the rug. The group’s attention focused back on her the instant she began speaking again.

 

“Angela…”


	5. Chapter 5

_“Angela.”_

 

Maura breathed deeply again to calm herself as the matriarch gasped and tried to stifle yet more cries, “I’ve said it before, I know, but I always wanted a mother like you. I realise I might not have been very specific with my reasons when I said that to you in the past, and the truth is I don’t know if I can even now, there are just too many reasons to mention. You’re so wonderful that in the beginning I was wildly jealous of your children.” She giggled, just as Angela croaked out a laugh of her own, and wasn’t surprised to see each Rizzoli offspring roll their eyes. “They say you can’t miss what you’ve never had, and the enormity of that hits me now more than ever. What I have now I could never give up.”

 

Jane was squirming in her seat, trying to reach around Frankie to stroke her mother’s back in reassurance. She was fighting an unexpected lump that was growing in her own throat at the sight of her mother in tears. Maura’s words hadn’t been directed at her and yet they hadn’t failed to hit her square in the chest.

 

Maura stood once more, clutching a smaller, slimmer box in hand as Angela wiped furiously at her eyes and nose, the crinkled Kleenex looking terribly worse for wear. “I would be so honoured to be your daughter; for you to be my child’s grandmother; for us to always have these dinners to come together as a family; for you to be as proud of me as you are of your own children, and for you to be there for me whether or not I have Constance or Hope in my life.”

 

As Maura opened the box to reveal a sparkling bracelet and held it out towards Angela the older woman sprang from her seat with a great intake of breath. Angela clutched her hands to her chest and bent forward at the waist, peering into the box as if it contained the most valuable object she had ever seen. She barely managed to whisper through the fingers that were now clamped tightly over her mouth, “Oh, Maura… it’s beautiful!”

 

Everyone but Maura missed the almost silent exhale of her name that escaped Jane as Maura wrapped her arms around Angela and felt strong arms wrap around her in return.

 

Maura fought her own tears valiantly, trying to keep it together so she could get through the final part of her presentation. If the amount of time the boys were spending looking at the floor was any indication they weren’t exactly dry eyed either.

 

Jane wasn’t winning the battle of tears. Few things in life had felt so poignant to her than what was happening in front of her right now.

 

After long moments being crushed by a glorious Rizzoli bear hug, Maura was pushed backwards by the shoulders and held firmly at arms length. Angela spoke as seriously as her massive grin would allow, “Maura, sweetheart. You are without doubt the _kindest_ , most _generous_ person I have _ever_ had the pleasure to meet. The fact that you would want to be a part of this family makes me so happy. I will _always_ be proud of you.” She sniffled again now and pinched one of Maura’s cheeks with each hand. The young blonde couldn’t hold in a little laugh as Angela broke down again and fiercely grabbed at Maura, hugging her even tighter than before.

 

Jane continued to struggle with her own emotions. It meant more to her than she would ever admit to have her mother accept Maura into their lives as more than the platonic friends they had been in the beginning. She shifted around in her seat, turning and hiding her face from view as she wiped her face with a shaky hand. She had been thinking lately of their future, of the possibilities and what she hoped she and Maura would become to each other, but she hadn’t plucked up the courage to speak to Maura about it. She suddenly felt guilty and a little embarrassed. Surely if there was one person she shouldn’t have to worry about being brutally honest and open with it was Maura, but at this moment the blonde was putting her to shame. The more her mother sniffled and her brothers looked like they were about to break down the more Jane bit her lip and tried to remain in control.

 

Angela had retaken a seat on the couch, managing to insert herself directly in the middle, Jane and Frankie on either side. Jane was once again rubbing a comforting hand up and down Angela’s back as the woman stared in astonishment at the beautiful piece of jewellery she held in her hands. Jane leaned over, gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and planted a gentle kiss on her temple.

 

Frankie met his sister’s eyes and gave her a quick wink. They all knew this wasn’t over yet and her brother’s action caused the nervousness in Jane’s belly to grow exponentially.

Once again Maura had returned to her spot on the rug. She was still beaming, pleased that her gifts were being well received and not refused out of politeness. It had taken many years of patience to finally get a Rizzoli to accept any gift without arguing their indebtedness to her.

 

Now holding the smallest of the four black boxes, Maura wiped a happy tear from her eye and took an enormous deep breath. In a split second everyone seemed to sense the change in the room. They fell silent and when Jane’s gaze connected with Maura’s her stomach lurched and she stopped breathing.

 

Jane’s heart was beating wildly and she was unconsciously fidgeting, twisting together her fingers where her hands had previously laid still in her lap.

 

Maura smiled at the brunette again, her eyes soft and caring, a silent plea for Jane to remain calm. _Please don’t panic!_

 

“Jane -” Maura found her voice, which hadn’t failed her so far, now abandoned her. She stifled a sob that escaped without permission. This was it, the part that she had to get out, the part that meant the most to her. She could have done this in private, away from prying eyes. She could have taken Jane away somewhere, to save her embarrassment and emphasise the romance.

 

The truth was she knew Jane and what family meant to her. In reality, Maura couldn’t have imagined doing this without Jane’s family around them. She swallowed and tried again, her voice not much more than a whisper, “Jane, you’ve always known how much I longed for a proper, loving family, how grateful I was to have one true best friend.”

 

Jane’s grin was so wide it almost hurt.

 

“I love your family, so much, and it’s thanks to you that I have them. But even if I had no one else in the world… no one else in the world but _you_ …” Maura’s tears were in full flow now as she hiccupped. Giggling briefly she shook her head at herself. Jane probably thought she was so ridiculously silly.

 

Jane wanted to jump up and sweep Maura into hug where she knelt on the floor but something told her to wait. Her gorgeous girlfriend was much tougher than she looked and even though it killed her to see the blonde cry, these weren’t bad tears.

 

“…I’d be happy and content for the rest of my days.”

 

Maura moved smoothly from her casual Virasana into something more traditional. She was now on one knee, her arms resting on the thigh of the leg she had dragged up off the floor, her foot planted right in front of where Jane was seated.

 

A simultaneous gasp came from the other five people in the room as Maura opened the box to reveal a gorgeous, sparkling wedding band.

 

Jane’s hands were no longer fidgeting; she was shaking them as if overtaken by pins and needles as she murmured ‘oh my god’ over and over again. Her breathing was erratic and she began to bounce a little in her seat as everyone gathered closer around.

 

It was Angela’s turn now to offer Jane a shoulder squeeze, only this one wasn’t so gentle; obviously her mother was anticipating where this was going and had succumbed to her own giddiness. The boys were laughing, high fives had already been shared; Lydia was giggling as TJ murmured amongst the excitement.

 

Maura reached up a hand to catch one of Jane’s, still holding the ring out in the other, and took a deep breath as she gazed into moist, deep brown eyes.

 

“If there’s one single day of my life I will never ever forget it is the day you stayed. You held my hand, held me together, and it meant more to me than I can ever properly express. So… this is me… holding your hand, promising to love you, to serve you, to protect you, to keep your secrets and to share your joys. I offer you my hand, Jane, to hold whenever you need a friend, to grab on to when you feel like you might fall, to comfort you, to soothe you. This is _my_ oath.”

 

“This is me… holding your hand, Jane, asking you to marry me.”

 

“Say you’ll be mine, all of you; my brothers, my mother, my best friend… my wife. I love you. I’m so in love with you. Say you’ll be my family because I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else for the rest of my life.”

 

Jane was stunned and speechless as tears streamed freely down her face. The amount of emotion swirling inside her had overwhelmed everything she knew about herself. _How did this woman know exactly what to say? How did she remember every detail, down to the words the detective had used, of the incident that had first brought them together?_

After long moments of silence, Jane looking from the ring box to Maura’s face and back again, Angela nudged her daughter’s shoulder and whispered, “Say something, Jane!”

 

This snapped the detective back to the present and she shook her head slightly and blinked rapidly to clear her thoughts.

 

Maura’s expression had flitted erratically from hope and optimism to nervousness, to love and on to worry during the intense silence.

 

Slinking from her seat on the sofa to rest on her knees in front of her girlfriend, Jane took a deep breath and gazed lovingly at the blonde. A single memory forced its way to the front of her mind; a specific conversation about proposals. It stood out amidst a collection of conversations they’d had over the years about marriage and weddings as one that the doctor might recall with fondness.

 

Jane took the blonde’s free hand between her own and pulled it towards the left side of her chest. In the softest voice anyone in the room had ever heard come from the emotion-shy brunette, she recited a quote that had long ago had an effect on her, “I found myself, by insensible degrees, sincerely fond of her; and the happiest hours of my life were what I spent with her.”

 

Maura’s eyebrows drew together and she tilted her head as her memory tried to place the words. Suddenly it came to her and she gasped before whispering, “Jane Austen?”

 

Jane grinned and nodded, “Yes, I -”

 

It was as clear as day to the doctor, “You remember that?”

 

Jane cupped Maura’s cheek and rubbed her thumb across her cheekbone affectionately, “I remember you telling me this feeling was possible. I remember being a grump and dismissing it. I’ve never been happier to be proved wrong in my life!”

 

Maura giggled and sniffled as Jane wiped away her tears, “Does that mean -”

 

Jane squealed loudly and threw her arms around Maura’s neck, “Yes!” The taller woman bounced up and down on her knees jostling the doctor as she giddily repeated, “Yes, yes, yes!”

 

“You’ll be my wife?”

 

“I’ll be your everything, if you’ll have me?”

 

“Always.”


End file.
